The onion horoscope sagittarius

Despite seemingly insurmountable odds, you will once again manage to talk your way out of sounding interesting this week. Your bold, take-no-prisoners attitude has made you who you are today: One of the least successful criminal prosecutors in the country. Despite your attempts to make it look like an accident, investigators will immediately suspect you of burning down your wife for the insurance money.

Plants and Herbs for Your Zodiac Sign

You will soon meet the greatest love of your life, which, unfortunately, has less to do with the quality of the former than the brevity of the latter. Clickhole The Onion The A.

Virgo Aug. Libra Sept.


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Scorpio Oct. Sagittarius Nov.

Re: 7/29 -- Horoscopes from The Onion

Capricorn Dec. See how your crippling finances look from atop that hill.

the onion horoscope

Clickhole The Onion The A. Virgo Aug. Libra Sept.

Scorpio Oct. Sagittarius Nov.

Sagittarius October 2019 Horoscope ♐️ Gregory Scott Astrology

Capricorn Dec. Aquarius Jan.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of July 23,

Pisces Feb. Aries March 21 to April 19 This week try wearing less makeup when you leave the house, even if it means angering the other members of KISS. Gemini May 21 to June 20 E. Leo July 23 to Aug. Share This Story.